We’ve all heard of the concept of ‘losing face’. One description is the prevention of embarrassment; not only for yourself but for others as well. For this reason you should never disagree or criticize an Asian person in public. From our Western perspective we experience Asians generally as more sensitive in situations that, often unintentionally, occur with losing face. We judge these incidents as minor and forget them quickly. But in Asia losing face can cause serious problems.
The Dutch have a face as well. It’s more self-oriented and individualistic where the Asian face is relational and directed at others. Unlike our Western face, an Asian face can be taken away (or lost) but also be given or saved. In extreme cases of losing face it leads to a feeling of losing one’s position at work or even in society. The reaction can be as dramatic as sudden, for example resignation.
Causing someone to lose face can also destroy a relationship or create an opponent. Revenge is part of this deal: in China’s history, losing face has caused many unnecessary conflicts. Equally, but closer to home: don’t be surprised when venting your frustrations at a counter will result in your document getting ‘lost’ at the bottom of the pile.
Although we’re familiar with the concept, it’s still difficult to recognize these situations in the work place. A friend of mine was hired by a large multinational to facilitate a culture teambuilding session. The team consisted of two Dutch guys based in Singapore and three Malaysian colleagues who flew in. During the session one of the Dutch guys brought up a situation he felt needed improvement: the parts he ordered in Malaysia for his Singaporean clients were always ‘on the way’ and he never got a straight answer where the shipment was exactly. Over time he asked his Malaysian colleagues in many different ways but he invariably got the same answer ‘it’s on the way’. Finally he had come to the point where he felt distressed: why on earth wouldn’t they give him a “normal” answer?
By the time he finished, the Malaysian colleagues were looking at my friend with confusion in their eyes. It was as if they were begging her to tell the Dutch guy what they couldn’t. So she did: when someone tells you politely ‘it’s on the way’, they don’t have a clue where it is and they’re embarrassed to tell you. So please stop asking!
In a wider context, this also applies for answers that don’t make sense. They always hide something that cannot be verbalised.
Use a different approach instead. Start over and point out why you really want to know. For instance, you want to know the location of the shipment so you can plan your delivery to the customer accordingly. Timing and planning are important because the company doesn’t want to waste resources waiting for something that will not show up. Another option is to ask for their opinion: how would they solve this issue?
From a Malaysian point of view there was no reason to track shipments. No shipment was ever lost, so why put in extra time and effort? With an explanation and the request to track future shipments this logistics mystery was solved.
